SimplyJen

Search for Survivors

2006-01-03T13:14:00.000-05:00

So I drag ass to the gym this morning...I totally didn't feel like it, but after some late night Merlot and whole wheat pasta, it was the least that I could do. Or rather should do. It's not like I was going to be late for work because I don't have a job anymore! Yippee! I totally quit! He was an asshole! I will refer to him later as Administrator Man (AM) rather than asshole.

Anyway, I drive the whole 1\2 mile to the gym at around 8:30 AM and it's pretty packed.

Oh I forgot to tell you, before I left my house, I sent my old boss an email giving her a head's up that my resume is out floating around the New Orleans area and I listed her as a reference. So people might be calling her....Yes I know you are VERY busy A-T-T-O-R-N-E-Y oh sorry I forgot VERY talented and funny and stylish and blah blah blah. She was pissed when I quit to go work for a large firm downtown and she got all weird on me..... like she took it personally. It was for $8,000 more a year! What was I supposed to do?? It all turned to caca within 30 days, but how was I suppossed to know AM was possessed and his running buddy, Junior League HR lady was a compulsive QVC on-line shopper?

So I get on the eliptical stairmaster thingy at the gym and they have 9 TV's on in the cardio area with 9 different stations. The middle TV was turned to FOX or CNN and the headline read "Searching for Survivors" talking about the people that are stuck in a mine in Virginia. Then on another TV they have the flooded out people in Northern Californa. Another station showed the ice skating rink in Germany that collapsed and killed a bunch of people.

I'm like shit man I can't take it, so I turn up my Ipod Shuffle, close my eyes and visualize being on a bike next to Lance Armstrong climbing up some hill in France. Yea baby! That's what I'm talking about, Girlfriend! Woo! Woo! Cheryl is out shopping or playing that stupid guitar of hers or whatever. So after about 10 minutes, I'm finally breaking a good sweat and trying to purge out all the marinara sauce and vino.

Everything's going good and then all of a sudden this girl gets on the stairmaster thingy next to me and starts yapping on her cell phone. Now I must admit, I have been around alot of gyms and health clubs in the last (ugg!) 23 years in Houston and LA, and when you see someone doing something totally stupid, it's usually a chick. Sorry ladies, just keeping it real.

She is aggravating the shit out of me and I want to run away screaming. However, I only have about 13 more minutes until Lance and I are done with our climb and I'm not stopping early because of dip shit over here with her cell phone.

So I finish up, send Lance back to Cheryl and go fill up my water bottle. When I turn back around, the annoying cell phone girl is gone and all of the TV's have fluff shows on - MTV, the Food Network, Martha, the View, etc.

It was weird, like, did I just dream this whole thing?

Happy New Year!

2005-12-31T20:09:00.000-05:00

Hello everyone and welcome to my blog! It's great to be back. To be honest, I never really got started on this blog like I really wanted to. But now, I'm back and determined to write for my own sake, to tell my story, and hopefully, entertain everyone along the way.

2005 was a real shit year and I am welcoming 2006 like a motherfucker. My husband's mother passed away this Spring. 2 months later, a co-worker of mine, Sandy Estopinal of Chalmette, LA, a wonderful friend and mother of three children, was killed by a train. Then, the whopper....Hurricaine Katrina on August 29, 2005.

My husband and I were in Cabo San Lucas on vacation at the time and a friend was taking care of our house, my 4 cats and dog, Kirby. The eye of the hurricane passed over our home in Slidell. I'm sure many of you saw the coverage of Slidell, LA on CNN or one of the other news channels. I watched the images of Hurricane Katrina on CNN Mexico in the Hotel Finisterra Business Center in Cabo San Lucas, Mexico. Looking at the images on television, my husband and I thought we had lost everything, including my pets, with the massive flooding that occured, or so that was reported through the media.

I will elaborate more on that further. (Lesson Learned - don't believe everything your see and hear reported by the "media" or what you see on television. I will abbreviate this term in future postings as LL).

Of course, New Orleans is getting all of the media coverage, as opposed to St. Bernard Parish, Slidell and the Missisippi Gulf Coast. I have SO much to tell you all first-hand about aftermath of Hurricane Katrina, the stories of people who live here, those who have left and are unable to return and the stories of those who died.

I recently resumed work in the Central Business District for a month at a large law firm. I resigned on Thursday after being there approximately 30 days. The guy was just WAY to big of an asshole. I'm not one to make New Year's Resolutions, but one thing is FOR SURE, I will not put up with an asshole and I'm tired of being barked at.

All I have to say is MOLD....People watch out.

New Orleans

2005-09-07T12:15:00.000-06:00

Just wanted to let everyone know that my husband and I along with out pets are OK.

Back in the Saddle

2005-03-24T19:22:00.000-06:00

Wow! Here it is, 8 months after my last post.

Man, have I got alot to tell you guys........

My Stepson the Sociopath Current Update

2004-08-05T11:55:00.000-06:00

Here's a little update:

He called our house last night from TN. where he'd been staying first in the Salvation Army and then at "some guys house"....I assume someone he met in rehab. His probation got transferred back to PA. and his probation officer said he wanted him in his office by Monday morning. My husband bought him a Greyhound bus ticket on-line so he could get there.

So he calls us last night saying that his mother and grandmother both said they could not/would not pick him up at the bus station.He wanted my husband to Western Union him some money. Of course, husband tells him "I don't think so..." and Thomas hung up on him, which sent my husband into a, well, sort of, RAGE.....

My Stepson the Sociopath Part I

2004-08-01T13:35:00.000-06:00

My stepson, the sociopath drug addict, Thomas, has been diagnosed with ADHD , depression and anxiety, yet he is an extremely smart kid. He made straight A's all during school, scored a 1300 on his SAT, was accepted and briefly attended a prestigious University in the Northeast, majoring in pre-med. He got kicked out because a faculty member saw him deliberately stab himself in the foot in a biology lab. Said he was a danger to himself and the other students. Several weeks prior, he had an "accident" in his dorm room where he claimed to have "cut his hand while changing a light bulb". He ended up in the hospital with a STAF infection and had to have surgery. Over the years, my husband has bought him 3 cars, all of which Thomas wrecked or destroyed. He stole his Aunt's credit card and charged $1000 on it because he "thought she was a bitch". He racked up a $900 phone bill on his father's business account. He stole his Grandmother's jewelry and his brother's entire CD collection. He's been arrested for burglary and drug possession. He's been in jail, half-way houses and homeless. Last year, he befriended a young girl who let him stay at her apartment for a while in Philadelphia. He used her credit card to order over $400 worth of prescription drugs on the internet. He has never held a job for more than 3 months. He is a compulsive liar. He uses his charm and good looks to befriend people, then fucks them over.

Well, this is how demented the little fucker is. He self-inflicts wounds on himself so he can go to a hospital and get drugs. I'm not talking about cutting. I'm talking STABBING. He is still on my husband's family insurance plan, and Thomas has the system down pat. He knows if he shows up at a hospital claiming to be suicidal, they will admit him. In the past 2 years, he has gone to the emergency room 32 times and has seen various doctors and psychiatrists. His mother, grandmother, and brother want nothing to do with him. Before he left for rehab 6 weeks ago, he claimed to have "cut his hand while cutting a piece of chicken". His thumb was literally, like, hanging off the side of his hand. He was in a rehab in Tennessee until last Thursday, when he got caught crushing and snorting another kid's Ritilan. I am not a health care professional, but I did some research and found the following:

DEFINITION OF A SOCIOPATH

"Antisocial Personality Disorder is also known as psychopathy or sociopathy. Individuals with this disorder have little regard for the feeling and welfare of others. As a clinical diagnosis it is usually limited to those over age 18. It can be diagnosed in younger people if the they commit isolated antisocial acts and do not show signs of another mental disorder.

Antisocial Personality Disorder is chronic, beginning in adolescence and continuing throughout adulthood. There are ten general symptoms:

not learning from experience

no sense of responsibility

inability to form meaningful relationships

inability to control impulses

lack of moral sense

chronically antisocial behavior

no change in behavior after punishment

emotional immaturity

lack of guilt

self-centeredness

People with this disorder may exhibit criminal behavior. They may not work. If they do work, they are frequently absent or may quit suddenly. They do not consider other people's wishes, welfare or rights. They can be manipulative and may lie to gain personal pleasure or profit. They may default on loans, fail to provide child support, or fail to care for their dependents adequately. High risk sexual behavior and substance abuse are common. Impulsiveness, failure to plan ahead, aggressiveness, irritability, irresponsibility, and a reckless disregard for their own safety and the safety of others are traits of the antisocial personality.
Socioeconomic status, gender, and genetic factors play a role. Males are more likely to be antisocial than females. Those from lower socioeconomic groups are more susceptible. A family history of the disorder puts one at higher risk.

There are many theories about the cause of Antisocial Personality Disorder including experiencing neglectful parenting as a child, low levels of certain neurotransmitters in the brain, and belief that antisocial behavior is justified because of difficult circumstances. Psychotherapy, group therapy, and family therapy are common treatments. The effects of medical treatment are inconclusive.Unfortunately, most people with Antisocial Personality Disorder reject treatment. Therefore, recovery rates are low."

Scratch N' Sniff

2004-07-29T15:26:00.000-06:00

At the gym this afternoon, I was huffing and puffing away, 38 minutes into my 60 minute cardio workout, when suddenly my sweat pants were being simultaneously sucked into my pussy, cooch, clam and my ass, rim receiver, gloryhole......Damn. That digital clock couldn't have been ticking fast enough.

5.....4......3......2......1....... Beep Beep Beep...

CONGRATULATIONS!!!!!! GREAT WORKOUT!!!!!!

Thank God.

So then I walk down the hall to the aerobics room to do a little stretching on the mats and some crunches on the exercise ball.

That's when it happens.

We all know how Jen is about her "Personal Space". In walks this dude wearing blue jeans. Yes, ladies and gentlemen, a dude wearing blue jeans while working out. What exactly IS that about, anyway? Now I know it's not just a southern thing 'cus I've seen it in gyms in California and in Boston. Why on earth would someone work out in blue jeans? Come on people...

My Stepson the Sociopath

2004-07-29T13:00:00.000-06:00

I got married last May for the first time at the age of 38. I had a somewhat wild, sometimes great, sometimes miserable time being single and never thought I would marry. However, in October of 1999, at the constant urging from my half-sister, (whom I had meet for the first time in our lives 2 months prior, but thats another story...) I agreed to go on a blind date with one of her coworkers. I was never much of one to get set up on blind dates. Not to toot my own horn or anything, but I never was without a guy/girl around, in some way, shape or form. (i.e. fuck buddy, drinking buddy, stripper buddy, gay big-dicked (bisexual) shopping buddy....you get the idea.)

Anyway......

So we meet, fall madly in love, move in together, get married and all of that. Very Cool. Everythings great. I got a big, phat ring, a big, nice house, financial security and best of all, a wonderful, loving husband.

However, with this new marriage, I also became a step-mom (I refuse to use the word mother for any other reason than within the context of "Mother Fucker". More on that some other time.) My husband has two grown sons, 20 & 21, who mostly grew up in the Northeast after he and his first wife divorced. When they were younger, they used to travel here to stay during Summer Vacation (which was, by the way, before I was around). But once they were in High School, they had their own friends, summer jobs, and girlfriends. Traveling 1500 miles to stay with their father for the Summer didn't look all that appealing anymore. Which I can totally understand.

Well, the 20 year old stepson, let's call him Robert. Rob. Robbie. He's a doll. Tall, good looking in a Farm Boy way (like his father) he's got that reddish/blond hair that you don't see that often, really smart kid, straight A's, going to college, steady girlfriend that he shares an apartment with. And he can swear like a truck driver (he inherited that from his Dad also).

Then, there's the 21 year old stepson, let's call him little bastard, uhhhh, I mean Thomas. Tommy. Tom. He's a drug addict. And a Sociopath.

Kirby

2004-07-29T12:12:00.000-06:00

Kirby's ready for his walk this afternoon. He's beginning to destroy things.

Spoiled Little Rich Girl

2004-07-28T15:09:00.000-06:00

I spent the better part of Sunday afternoon reading this. Rather wordy at times, but brillant none the less.

Letter of Resignation

2004-07-28T12:10:00.000-06:00

Dear Mr. Johnson,

As a graduate of an institution of higher education, I have a few very basic expectations. Chief among these is that my direct superiors have an intellect that ranges above the common ground squirrel. After your consistent and annoying harassment of my coworkers and me during the commission of our duties, I can only surmise that you are one of the few true genetic wastes of our time.

Asking me, a ____________, to explain every little nuance of everything I do each time you happen to stroll into my office is not only a waste of time, but also a waste of precious oxygen. I was hired because I know how to _________________, and you were apparently hired to provide amusement to myself and other employees, who watch you vainly attempt to understand the concept of "cut and paste" for the hundredth time.

You will never understand computers. Something as incredibly simple as binary still gives you too many options. You will also never understand why people hate you, but I am going to try and explain it to you, even though I am sure this will be just as effective as telling you what an IP is. Your shiny new iMac has more personality than you ever will.

You walk around the building all day, shiftlessly looking for fault in others. You have a sharp dressed useless look about you that may have worked for your interview, but now that you actually have responsibility, you pawn it off on overworked staff, hoping their talent will cover for your glaring ineptitude. In a world of managerial evolution, you are the blue-green algae that everyone else eats and laughs at. Managers like you are a sad proof of the Dilbert principle.

Since this situation is unlikely to change without you getting a full frontal lobotomy reversal, I am forced to tender my resignation, however I have a few parting thoughts.

1. When someone calls you in reference to employment, it is illegal for you to give me a bad recommendation. The most you can say to hurt me is "I prefer not to comment." I will have friends randomly call you over the next couple of years to keep you honest, because I know you would be unable to do it on your own.

2. I have all the passwords to every account on the stem, and I know every password you have used for the last five years. If you decide to get cute, I am going to publish your "favorites list", which I conveniently saved when you made me "back up" your useless files. I do believe that terms like "Lolita" are not usually viewed favorably by the administration.

3. When you borrowed the digital camera to "take pictures of your Mother's birthday party," you neglected to mention that you were going to take pictures of yourself in the mirror nude. Then you forgot to erase them like the techno-moron you really are. Suffice it to say I have never seen such odd acts with a sauce bottle, but I assure you that those have been copied and kept in safe places pending the authoring of a glowing letter of recommendation. (Try to use spell check please. I hate having to correct your mistakes.)

Thank you for your time, and I expect the letter of recommendation on my desk by 8:00 am tomorrow. One word of this to anybody, and all of your little twisted repugnant obsessions will be open to the public. Never f*** with your systems administrator. Why? Because they know what you do with all that free time!

Wishing you a grand and glorious day,

SimplyJen

Fluff & Serve

2004-07-27T14:48:00.000-06:00

As a relative newcomer to the Blog community, I suppose I should do the courteous thing and begin my first entry with an introduction.

Too bad.

I'm not in the mood today to write my biography in 50 words or less. I would rather write about something that happened to me today......

GYM DANDY.....

Personal space is high up there on the pleasures of life for me. Perhaps that's due to the fact that I previously lived in Los Angeles for 10 years in a series of shitty, studio apartments. Ahhhh the 80's!!! Didn't you love them! Why is it, that when there are a zillion pieces of cardio equipment available at the gym, some hairy, smelly shmuck gets on the stairs/treadmill/stationary bike right NEXT TO ME!!! WHY??? Doesn't he know that this is the one time of the day that is all about ME and my personal space? No phones, no boss, no cat shit on the carpet, no traffic, no lines, nothing. Nada. Just me and my headphones doing a little cardio for stress relief. I know this must happen to other people....like when you're on an empty bus or train and some wack job comes and sits right next to you. What IS IT with people now days?